After reading the soap opera, that so entertainingly sprung up on News24, I felt I had much to say on the matter especially in regards to men like Mr. Brett Porn Star wanna-be and the woman who fall for men like him.

We are all young and stupid and in the end human and mistakes will be made. But, when after you have caused severe, crippling emotional damage and you justify your bad behaviour, even pointing a finger at your victim with the old “she asked for it” defence you need to take a very long hard look at yourself.

Firstly let me summarize the real person behind the façade when it comes to most men like Mr. Porn star wannabe. A man as obsessed with sexual satisfaction should probably firstly see a doctor to rule out any overactive hormonal issues causing him to be a bit of a nympho. Secondly if medical tests rule out a physical cause for the nympho behaviour, the porn star wanna-be should probably see a psychologist. Men like this normally have very, very low self-esteem and desperately need the ultimate attention from women to make them feel better.  They sometimes had very domineering mothers who deprived them of the emotional space to grow as confident men, happy in their own skins. A womanizer is always a man with an emotionally immature, damaged little boy inside.  However which way the situation swings (excuse the pun) before justifying an affair, first consider that just maybe you are the problem.

Now to the men like Mr. Brett I would like to pose the question: Have you ever considered that your oversexed behaviour actually might be a huge turn off to your wife? There is nothing attractive about a man who is overly sexed.  Most women would label you creepy or perverted and a womanizer is only attractive to the women who don’t know him that well yet.  We feel about a slobbering sex obsessed man the way we feel about our friends annoying Jack Russel that keeps trying to hump our leg. Don’t get me a wrong, a man should have hot blood, but he should also have the will power and strength to control himself and depth and substance to see other things in a relationship.  No woman wants a humping jellyfish.  And Mr. Brett, you have only been saved from the “pervert” label by most women because you haven’t been severely beaten by the ugly stick.

On the other hand it is of course a problem if a person’s needs are not being met in a marriage. Then the first step you take is to insist on counselling or even a physical for your wife, who could also be struggling with serious hormonal issues, especially after child birth. This is after all the woman to who you made a promise for better or worse.  You not only made her your sex partner, you made her your family. The very least you owe her, even if your feelings of love have evaporated, is respect.  You tell her, that your needs are not being met, you would like a divorce; you are leaving the home your share in order to start the process.  You do not have an affair.  When you cheat on your spouse they go through the same trauma as losing a loved one to death. The emotional carnage you’re leaving behind is indescribable and very unnecessary and will stay with the cheated spouse for many years. This is where even self-respect comes into the picture.

Now let’s get to the part that qualifies as my pet peeve: The women who enable men to behave like Neanderthals. Granted you didn’t marry his wife, he did. But do you really think if you become his wife, the position for mistress will remain unfilled? Would you really have respect for a man who hurt a woman in such a way and can’t control his zipper?  In the case of Mr. Porn star wannabe, I’ve seen a lot of women in the comments section referring to him as attractive. And there lies the problem. Men like him will always behave the way they behave, because there will always be women who will be waiting with open arms and a blind eye, because of his looks. I won’t be surprised if he received some “I am so available to you” messages, regardless of him being an obvious very bad choice for anything other than a not serious date night with a cute guy with a big wallet.  Now ladies, tsk tsk.  You behave in a Neanderthal way yourself when you let your ovaries override your common sense.  Because our basic instincts demand you find an attractive testosterone filled male to have offspring with. It’s as basic as that, and your common sense should really be able to control your basic urges.

Next time you see “that guy” strutting his stuff, chest all puffed up, head with a cocky slant, trip him. If he wants to ask you out, laugh at him. If you don’t see the danger signs and get involved with him and he behaves badly, kick him to the curb, severely, coldly and let him know that you will never tolerate such bad behaviour from anyone. Good looking or not. And if he is out trolling for mistresses it’s not because his wife doesn’t understand him. It’s because he’s a Neanderthal.